The Handshake

I've become fascinated by the ritual of handshaking, and as a result I've spent a considerable amount of time dissecting and analyzing the anatomy of handshake and what makes a sociably acceptable handshake. I shook a lot of hands yesterday, so I have a whole new crop of data that I need to analyze. It's interesting because it's kind of a "fly by the seat of your pants" operation to try and read, reconfigure and adapt as you go. It's a lot of processing for a 2 second ritual.

Everybody knows that a decent handshake is important, and how your handshake measures up is a component of the First Impression Program (other major components being, appearance, etc.). If your handshake is weak, it says one of three things. 1, you are not confident in yourself, 2, you're not confident in what you are currently doing, 3, you don't know how to shake hands properly, or 4, you don't understand the importance of a good handshake. I shook a guys hand once and when I went to shake his hand, I thought I was going to rip it off of his arm because there was no resistance of any kind. I wasn't entirely convinced that there was a body attached to it. I had to catch myself because I was going to jokingly say "Ok, let's try that again" and re-shake it, but I didn't. This guy seemed to fall in all of the four aforementioned categories.

As I see it, there are different components that make up a handshake.

First you have the grab, it's pretty standard. 99% of people get the grab. Every once in a while you get the limp hand that only grabs your fingers. You hope it's your Granny, because if it isn't, it's kind of creepy. But the grab is pretty standard.

After the grab, you've got the grip. It's good to find your own predetermined grip strength that you are comfortable with to go in to the handshake with, however, you have about a half of the first shake to assess and apply your desired grip. You can't change the grip anytime after this point; it will be awkward and look weak. I adjust my opening strength depending on who I'm shaking hands with. If it's a man, I like to grip a lot harder than I think is really necessary, because I think on the other side, it doesn't feel as hard as you think you're grabbing. The guys are pretty standard. It's the women that are tricky, because not only do not all women partake in this ritual, which you have to read in advance, but you really have to watch how hard you grip. An unbalanced handshake is a little awkward.

Next you have to determine how many pumps the handshake will be. I like the most popular, as determined by my studies, 3 pump handshake, but a lot of people go for the 2 pump handshake. You really have to assess at the end of that second pump whether or not you think that person's going for the 3rd, and equally important, you need to read the end of the 3rd pump to make sure that they aren't going for more. I can usually make it to 4 without any major noticeable disruption in the plan, but it's when it gets to 5 or 6 is where I get completely thrown off - this is my area of most needed improvement. I'm uncomfortable with more than three or four because I have a hard time reading the situation beyond the 5th pump. If they've already gone beyond 4, I have no idea where they could be stopping. It's a terrible situation.

My best handshake story is when I met one of my client's coworkers. I went in for the handshake, he grabbed my hand and I deployed the standard, solid-grip, 3 pump handshake. He completely threw me off as he gripped my hand with such pressure that it was like he was trying to grab on to a fish for dear life, and if should let go, he would never eat again. I thought my hand was going to break. That was the end right there. There was no way I could mirror that kind of force, but not only that, it was so far beyond my current grip strength, that if I tried, it would have been obvious of the pressure change, and would have been awkward. I was so distracted by my aching hand, I couldn't read ahead, which was an unfortunate mistake because it after my standard 3 pumps, I went to release and he was still grabbing and shaking like no tomorrow. Now I'm in total panic mode because I've totally failed this handshake. So now I'm trying to figure out, do I regrip and keep shaking or do I hope to God that he follows my lead and let's go. I gave him probably 1/4 of one shake to realize my change in tactics and follow in courtesy, but he didn't. So now he's shaking my already "released" hand which now is limp really, because I've let go of about 80% of my grip to indicate my intent to end the interaction. But he's still shaking. So now, do I regrip and continue to reshake? By time I've done that, he may be done and I've really made a mess of things. (All of this happened in about 7 shakes) I ended up regripping and we shook for another 10-12 shakes I'd say. It was so awkward it threw off my entire meeting. I avoided the after meeting shake, which I would never ordinarily do, but under the circumstances...

The handshake is a fascinating area of study, and it should really be taught in school. I don't get how people get so misguided in the handshake. To me it seems fairly simple and basic, but it's amazing how often people mess it up.

Blog Entries:

2008.02.22	The Handshake